Friday, April 29, 2016

Emily's Guest Post Series #3

Interview your favorite fictional character.


Me: Hi Luna Lovegood, it's really great to meet you today. 

Luna: Good evening, good morning, good noon. It's always right to say greetings of any time --- since it's sunny everywhere as Muggles say. 

Me: I think the expression is actually "it's 5 pm somewhere" and we mostly use to to get very drunk. Now - 

Luna: Drink? I would like one right now, thank you. 

Me: I'm sorry? 

Luna: A drunk? Isn't that what you call multiple drinks? I'd really like to talk to a specialist in Muggle drinks if you don't mind. Hagrid's been begging Neville to get the Cauldron's dead-set recipes for years but they're as uptight about it with their lips as your muggle fizz drink - ah yes Coca Cola thank you for that strange sound of agreeing with me - is about setting loose its caps. Coca cola - Coca cola! Agreement sounds so cheery! 

Me: I meant drinking, drink alcohol - 

Luna: We participate in a similar ritual - 

Me: I believe it's the same ritual. You open the tab and let poor man's cash flow in. 

Luna: I'd prefer a butterbeer right now but I'll take a drink now. I have a bit of the green stuff, some cash of multiple hues, and these bright silver coins. Heads are everywhere on these. My, who is that bushy white fellow with an abnormally large nose? 

Me: That would be Andrew Jackson and he's coming off soon - 

Luna: Oh good, he doesn't seem quite funny. I've heard bad things about him - 

Me: Where? 

Luna: Here, from you, just now. [Looks at the bill intently] Who's going to replace him? 

Me: Harriet Tubman. She's - 

Luna: I've heard of her. Underground Railroad. Quite a bit of the witches and wizards helped in fighting against this oppression. I'm sure you know - 

Me: Actually I don't. 

Luna: Yes, quite a bit. They made Lincoln's bread grow longer. 

Me: Okay. [A few silent seconds] [Clears throat] What exactly it is that we have here today? 

Luna: It's a Grumple Stickfort, an animal that I just happen to find somewhere in the backyard wandering around. 

Me: It appears more to me as a skunk. 

Luna: [Just continues] ---It sustains itself on dew from a ivy tree and the meat of roadkill which I am happy to say is a plenty in this good old State. [Smiles brightly then exclaims] It's a wonder to be in the United States. 

Me: Joy. 

Luna: [Breezes on] Everything is so new here and such care about age. The stores in particular. Have you ever seen the sign that goes circa 2015 like an old mage? 

Me: Right, great catch there. Luna. Hope you are dealing with the jet lag all right - 

Luna: I would prefer the term be "wander winding". I feel quite flighty and poised to take off. 

Me: You did. You were on a plane. 

Luna: [Continues on] I never quite understood Muggle transportation. It just happened to be that our old tunnels through the Pacific hadn't been working. To sit for hours in boredom encaged in artificial air - I would prefer not to do it again. 

Me: Insanely polite. Correct, even. Wait, there are tunnels somewhere in the Atlantic? Luna: It was a brave experiment by a brilliant man, Kit Nottingmakeit. Titanic became famous because of him. Me: He made an iceberg? 

Luna: No, he made the lifeboats bigger so there'd be survivors to tell the story. 

Me: The things that magic could have done. You know Luna, you have always been quite a maverick among your peers - 

Luna: I have always enjoyed being normal. [Pause] It's seems that everyone else is a bit more inclined to treat me strangely. 

Me: Of course, of course. I had no intentions of marking you as a specimen - 

Luna: Like the Grumple Stickfort. 

Me: Like the Grumple Stickfort. [After a moment's pause] Luna, please try not to look too hard at the screen. 

Luna: Why, would this item hurt me in any way? What is it that you call it? A - 

Me: A smartphone, yes. 

Luna: It's almost like magic in how things appear and disappear. [She smiles]. Hermione will go blimey to know that she can be replaced. [Moves closer] Is there a Restricted Section too in this library? 

Me: No and please don't - 

Luna: Oh wow, a Harry Potter wiki! [Stares intently] That's me isn't it? It has everything about me. 

Me: [Without hesitation] The Ministry of Magic is behind that. It spies on everyone. 

Luna: I guess that's what is expected of government. I quite like this device. 

Me: You keep it...if I can have your wand. 

Luna: Muggles are so kind. Here's my wand. Make sure to count to three as you wave it. 

Me: [In the midst of waving it] Why? 

Luna: One, two, three! [Poof] And she was gone. 

Emily Gong



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